You're Not You When You're Hungry
by crematosis
Summary: Tony's been working too hard and Bucky decides to cheer him up with some Snickers.


A/N: I'm still working on all my many chaptered fics, but this idea just wouldn't leave me alone so I figured I'd bang it out and then get back to my regularly scheduled smut.

Disclaimer: All the Snickers sayings are ones that I've actually see while working at the grocery store. It's amazing where you can find inspiration.

Tony liked making new equipment for the team, he really did. But Jesus Christ, sometimes Clint's arrows were a hell of a thing. He had been down in the workshop for most of the evening already trying to put together a combination arrow for Clint since the archer had been seriously injured a week ago in a situation where he was down to his last arrow. So, there needed to be some offensive and defensive component. Some way for Clint to keep an attacker at bay while also signaling that he was in trouble. And so far, Tony had yet to figure out how to enable an exploding arrow with a distress signal. It was getting frustrating.

Bucky strolled into the lab a little after midnight. "Well, I'm ready to call it a night," he said with a leisurely stretch. "You coming to bed, baby?"

"Not yet." Tony eyed his first prototype. "I need to take this puppy for a test drive."

Bucky chuckled. "Sounds like fun. You can tell me all about it over breakfast."

Tony tilted his head to receive Bucky's kiss on his cheek. "Night, babe."

As soon as Bucky was out of the lab, Tony rolled his chair across the lab to the testing section. He fed the arrow into a repeating crossbow manned by Jarvis. There were monitors set up so he could watch the demonstration from multiple angles and sensors built into the crossbow so Jarvis could provide feedback about what happened upon firing. Whatever happened during the test, Tony would know all about it in detail.

Tony sat back in his chair. "Okay, Jarvis. Fire in the hole."

The arrow fired straight into the target Tony set up and burst into flames. Tony sighed as he watched the arrow and the target slowly disintegrate into ash.

Fuck. Back to the drawing board.

He was on his eighth prototype when Bucky walked into the lab with a cup of coffee. "Holy shit. Are you still working on those arrows?"

"Yep." Tony grunted as he tightened the blasting cap on the arrow. "They're a pain in the ass."

Wordlessly, Bucky put his cup of coffee down on Tony's desk.

Tony gulped down the coffee and reached for another screwdriver. "Thanks, babe. I'll see you upstairs as soon as I get this finished."

Bucky gave him another peck on the cheek. "I'll make you pancakes and bacon to celebrate."

Tony grinned. Bucky's pancakes were pretty much the best stuff on earth. Now, he just had to focus so he could get to those pancakes.

An hour passed. And then another. Tony was really getting frustrated with the stupid arrows. If Clint wasn't one of his good friends, he'd be tempted to say to hell with it and not bother working on them again. But then he'd feel bad if Clint got into trouble on a SHIELD mission in the middle of nowhere.

Tony didn't even look up from his work as the doors to his lab whooshed open again. Yes, yes, the arrows were taking a lot longer than expected. But if Clint was here to nag him about it, it was only going to take longer.

"Babe?" Bucky said hesitantly. "I thought you were coming up for breakfast."

"Oh shit, sorry," Tony said. He shoved a couple tools to the side and patted a spot on the desk for Bucky to sit down. "I'm sorry, babe. Those pancakes didn't go to waste, did they?"

He doubted it. Very few things went to waste in the Tower. Steve and Thor were willing to eat almost anything.

"Haven't made them yet." Bucky leaned over the table. "I was waiting for my boyfriend to come up so they'd be nice and fresh, just the way he likes them."

Tony sighed. "I know, Bucks, I know. I'm almost done with these arrows and then I'll come up."

Bucky stroked his cheek. "You work too hard, you know. There's no shame in taking a break now and then."

"I know. But if I come up for pancakes now, I'll get distracted by other stuff and next thing you know, we'll get called into battle tomorrow and Clint's arrows won't be finished."

"And it won't be your fault," Bucky said gently. "You're doing the best you can, baby. But if you work yourself to death, you won't be of use to anybody. I'm sure if Clint had the choice between another quiver of arrows and having you there giving him backup, he'd pick you every time."

Tony sighed. "Just one more hour and I'll take a short break. I promise."

As much as he hated to admit it, the long hours were starting to catch up with him. He was feeling tired and defeated. With each new failure, it was hard to find the energy to start another prototype. But he hated to give up on anything.

"I'll be back," Bucky said.

Tony groaned and dropped his head down on his desk. These arrows were going to be the death of him.

After what felt like only minutes, Bucky returned with a triumphant look on his face. "I brought you something," he said. He held up a Snickers bar with the word snarky on the wrapper.

Tony raised an eyebrow. Snarky? Really? Bucky should really know by now that he was snarky all the time, not just when he was hungry.

Bucky smirked. "It's got you written all over it."

Tony sighed. "I don't think you understand the marketing campaign."

"Sure I do. I read the wrapper," Bucky said cheerfully. "You're not you when you're hungry. And I haven't heard any snark all morning. So eat a Snickers."

Tony opened his mouth to protest and then closed it again. It was a flawed understanding of the Snickers sayings to be sure, but it was kind of charming in a way.

"Okay, fine," Tony muttered. He unwrapped the Snickers and took a bite.

"You're probably really hungry since you've been up all night and you missed breakfast. So it's going to take a lot more than a single Snickers to get you back to normal, but I came prepared." Bucky fished a handful of snickers out of his pocket with a wide grin.

Tony snorted. "Okay, let's see them."

Bucky picked through his stash. "So, we have feisty, sassy, spunky-"

"Spunky?" Tony said indignantly. "What am I, some teenage detective? If I find plucky in here, you're banned from the lab for life."

"Well, what a surprise," Bucky drawled. He held up a Snickers bearing dramatic.

Tony rolled his eyes. "Haha, very funny."

"I have sarcastic in here somewhere, too."

Of course he did.

"And there's hot mess, emphasis on hot," Bucky said with a salacious wink.

"Jesus, Buck. How many of these things did you grab?"

Bucky shrugged. "They didn't have billionaire in there, so I had to grab a billion to make up for it."

"Alright, smartass. Lay 'em out and I'll do the counting for you."

Bucky beamed. "You're sounding better already. I knew that Snickers would do you good."

Tony frowned at the large pile of Snickers on his desk. There was snarky, sassy, spunky, feisty, rowdy, dramatic, pouty, cray cray, sarcastic, troublemaker, rebellious, goofball, oddball, impatient, stubborn, and hot mess.

"All you, doll," Bucky said proudly.

Tony bit his lip. "I hate to break it to you, babe, but these were never meant to be the Tony Stark starter pack. They're just all the different ways people react when they're hungry."

"Really?" Bucky squinted at one of the wrappers. "Who are you when you're hungry?' I thought it meant you're a totally different person when you're hungry. Like, 'who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?"

"That's the point. But you're doing it…never mind. Jarvis, just play Bucky one of the Snickers commercials, would you?"

"Of course, Sir."

Jarvis brought up a holographic screen and began playing the commercial with the Joker ruining a game of cards with his antics.

"And see?" Tony said. "His friend tells him he's crazy when he's hungry because crazy is one of the Snickers words."

Bucky chuckled. "Oh, I get it. Don't worry, babe, I can find a couple to describe you when you're hungry." He started rummaging around in his pockets again.

Tony stared. "You have more?"

"I just grabbed the whole box and sorted out the ones that sounded like you. But, let's see here, oh, this one's mine." Bucky held up one with the word ferocious on it.

Yeah, Tony agreed with that one. When battles dragged on, Bucky tended to get ruthlessly efficient so they could all get home and get something to eat. He could recall a particularly memorable battle with giant robotic crabs and scorpions that took over eighteen hours. By the time the villain appeared in the cockpit of one of his creations to menace the team, Bucky was so fucking done with the whole thing that he pulled an Indiana Jones and just shot the guy through the glass.

"Ah, I think I've got a couple," Bucky said finally. He placed them on the desk in a separate pile.

Tony looked at the two piles on his desk. On the one hand, there were all his normal personality flaws. And on the other were bored, sleepy, restless, scatterbrain, unfocused. His heart sank. Why was the hungry pile so much smaller than the regular pile?

He sighed and rested his head on one hand. "So, it looks like I'm a better person when I'm hungry."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Tony gestured to the two piles. "These are supposed to be negative, you know. Bad behavior you can fix with a Snickers. And based on this, I'm quiet and stupid when I'm hungry, and when I'm not hungry, I'm two tons of trouble."

"You're crazy, babe. How are these negative?" Bucky held up goofball. "You're telling me a sense of humor is a bad thing?"

"Okay, I'll give you that one," Tony said with a resigned sigh.

"Snarky? Sarcastic? Sassy? Babe, do you know how boring life would be without your banter? And any superhero has to be feisty. Gotta have that fighting spirit."

Tony's shoulders slumped. "Well, I suppose it makes sense when you put it that way."

"So, don't worry your pretty little head about what the Snickers people think. They're idiots if they think spunk is a bad thing."

Tony rolled his eyes. "You're a weirdo."

"Oddball," Bucky said. "Another 'negative' that's not really. Do these people really live such boring lives that any sign of personality must be stopped?"

Tony shrugged. "Any of these can be considered bad if you take it to the extreme. And some of these are actually bad. Like stubborn."

"Nope," Bucky said. "Still good. Your stubbornness keeps you alive and keeps you from giving up when things look hopeless."

"Rowdy?"

"Babe, please. You can't be the life of the party without a little rowdiness."

"Impatient?"

Bucky waggled his eyebrows. "I love when you can't wait and you jump me right when I walk in the door."

Tony smiled faintly. "That time I ripped your shirt in half."

"Sexy as hell, babe," Bucky said with a low groan. "So, you see, doll, you're absolutely perfect. These are all your best qualities."

Tony couldn't fight the grin. "You say the nicest things, Buck."

Bucky put a hand on the small of Tony's back. "Why don't you take a break and head upstairs? You're hungry and stressed out and just not thinking straight. My beautiful, confident genius is gone and he's turned into-" Bucky stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Justin Hammer."

"What?!" Tony yelped. "I do not turn into Justin Hammer when I'm hungry."

"Just think about it, babe. You're tired, you're listless, you're taking a hell of a lot longer to get anything done, you're making stupid mistakes because you can't focus. Yep, I'd say you've turned into Justin Hammer. We better get some pancakes in you stat before the change becomes permanent."

Tony grumbled, but he allowed Bucky to pry him away from his desk and carry him to the stairs. "These better be bomb-ass pancakes."

"Of course," Bucky said. "Only the best for my feisty little troublemaker."

Tony wilted in his arms. "Thanks, babe. I don't know how you put up with me. I'm such a handful."

"You've just been working too hard. After breakfast, you should have a nice warm shower and take a nap. And then you won't feel so shitty."

Tony shrugged. "I don't think that's really going to help."

"It's a start, anyway."

Bucky settled Tony into one of the chairs at the counter, put a cup of coffee in front of him, and started working on a batch of pancakes.

Tony sighed in contentment as he took a sip of his coffee. He hadn't realized how hungry he was until he could smell bacon sizzling, warm maple syrup, and the heady scent of vanilla.

Bucky put a heaping plate down in front of him and Tony polished the whole thing off.

"Better?" Bucky asked.

"Better," Tony said. It could have been the pancakes or the coffee, but he was already feeling more energetic and his brain was turning over faster. He was already coming up with new ideas for Clint's arrows.

"Not yet," Buck said, steering him in the direction of the penthouse elevator. "Shower and a nap. Then you can go back to work."

"But I'm fine," Tony insisted. "You were right. All I needed was a little food and I'm good as new."

"You need a break," Bucky insisted. "Go on. If you get washed up, I'll even lay down with you for a little bit."

Hmn. Bucky was usually as weak-willed as Tony was. If they got into bed together, it was unlikely that there would actually be any napping. And Tony had missed the late night lovemaking and sleepy morning sex because he was working on those stupid arrows.

"Deal," he said.

It was a pity Bucky couldn't be talked into getting in the shower with him, but once Tony was under the warm water, he appreciated how good it felt. He took his time, leisurely rubbing shampoo into his scalp and inhaling the fresh scent of Bucky's favorite soap.

When he got out, he simply wrapped a towel around his waist and headed into the bedroom. He expected Bucky to already be sprawled across the bed waiting for him, but the room was empty.

Tony shook his head with a smile as he saw the Snickers sitting on his nightstand, a little love note from Bucky wrapped around it.

"Jarvis, tell Bucky I'm ready for my cuddles," Tony murmured as he crawled into bed.

Maybe a nap would be nice after all.


End file.
